Dirty Grandpa is awful.

I feel I’ve already given this film too much of my time by typing these four words but the deep desire to warn everyone away from it is overpowering my selfishness.

If you looked up the word ‘desperate’ in the dictionary and ‘Dirty Grandpa‘ appeared under it, I would not be shocked. This film may well be in direct competition with Donald Trump on how many people it can offend in the shortest possible time.

This is a classic case (albeit an extremely advanced one) of trying to use the taboo to be offensive. It’s not funny. It’s called bullying.

As each joke rolled out, I sank further into my seat, wanting to tear off my ears and rip out my eyes, and believe me, even that wouldn’t have been as painful as sitting through this. Some people in the cinema actually laughed at some jokes, and I pray to God that this was out of shere embarrassment and awkwardness, otherwise I don’t think I want to be a human anymore.

First of all, Robert De Niro, what the hell? It’s as though he reached the peak of a mountain a few years back, chucked himself off, and has been free falling without a parachute ever since. Well, just to provide an update, he’s finally hit rock bottom.

Zac Efron on the other hand, okay. I see it. He’s never really lit up Hollywood (except for his angelic glow beaming from that immaculate face / body / everything), and lately he seems to jump onto anything that’s got the word ‘comedy’ in it. I hate to say it, but he’s simply been used for eye candy purposes to drag in the crowds.

To sum up the plot of Dirty Grandpa, Jason’s (Efron) grandfather (De Niro) has recently become widowed, resulting in him refinding his youth, turning into a hedonistic sex addict and manipulating Jason into taking him to Florida. Except his true destination is Daytona Beach. During Spring Break. Jason, a ‘boring’ lawyer is about to marry his controlling, and downright OTT, successful girlfriend and his grandfather is pretty worried about him. To be honest, I think he has bigger fish to fry and needs to visit a bereavement counsellor.

The whole plot is far-fetched and odd without the added bonus of a love story, but hey, may as well chuck that in there too. Jason, a week away from his wedding and who has been lying to his fiancee all weekend, begins to feel guilty because he hasn’t told the truth about his upcoming marriage to a girl he spent the day with. Nope, he doesn’t feel guilty towards the future wife he’s lying to, but towards a complete stranger. Can it get more ridiculous? Yes. Yes it can. Grandpa ends up marrying someone two generations younger and fathering a child, while still sticking his thumb up his adult grandson’s arse. If only he’d got that counselling.

This form of comedy (I use this term reluctantly) is the worst kind. There’s an absolute lack of wit; it’s lazy and immature and feeds off traditional society’s deviants. Guess who directed it – yep, a bunch of straight, white males.

There’s scenes that include, or have strong tones of, racism, sexism (to both genders), homophobia, ageism, anti-semitism, date rape, prison rape, child molestation, and it even mocks disabled people  – this film pretty much offends every type of person in any society.

The grotesque ‘humour’ is shocking from the start but there’s a jaw-dropping moment (jaw = actually dropped) when De Niro’s character, Dick (very appropriate – unfortunately his last name wasn’t Head), openly laughs at a guy for being gay. When asked something along the lines of: ‘I’m black, d’you find that funny too?’, Dick (Head) actually says yes. Because being black and gay in 2016 is hilarious? Am I missing something here? Have I been kidnapped and taken back to 1986? God forbid that you’re not a straight, white male!

Women, when they get on the screen, are nothing more than sex objects or annoying nags. Again, there’s a bunch of shocking statements regarding rape, STDs etc, but for my own sanity, I’d rather not go there. The misogyny in Dirty Grandpa is presented as something admirable and yet another reason that this film is a massive OTT, outdated flop.

The screenwriters deserve to be wiped of their job title alone for turning date rape into a joke. It’s a serious problem in universities and in nightclubs, with a genuine fear surrounding it, yet for some very strange reason, it appears on screen under the genre of comedy with Dick slipping a Xanex into Jason’s glass. Hmm?

I’m unsure what this wants to be. I’m not confident that the writers and director, Dan Mazer, know what it should be either, other than a complete shambles, obvs.

I urge you not to give this film your time or the credit. It deserves nothing. Absolutely nothing.

I know awards season has just ended and it was only released in January, but I’m fairly certain this has bagged the top prize for worst film of the year. To be honest, I have to give it some credit – it may just win worst film of the decade!